a new beginning

back to blog... but i guess tis will b more of a reflection blog.... ytd... pastor shared bout a new beginning in 2008.... but more importantly a new beginning in oneself... more often than not... i often find myself pondering bout this qn... but i guess i never did noe wen to start....

in 2007... i guess it was a yr i was really thinkin bout many things that were happenein around me... it was a yr that i took to really find out juz wad was i doin wif my life... where i wanted to go on from there... to find myself basically... to tell u the truth while i may hav a little idea of that now... i still cant b sure of my future... which is y i guess i shld juz leave that to God to decide for me... ytd... mic bay talked bout father lord the father... basically bout some ppl who may not believe in God as a caring father due to their own experiences... although i never thought bout it b4... but i guess i may hav been influenced by this thinkin all those yrs back.... mayb even the reason i decided to renounce my faith all those yrs back... thankfully i m a christian again... n now i can say i dont regret tis choice...

1 thing i realised before goin for a fresh start was that my old self really showed me the extremes of human nature.... not many ppl noe tis but in fact i really did not like the old me... i guess after the incident all those yrs back i really lost my trust for the ppl around me... i felt i was wearing a facade... n to tell u the truth... i wore it till even i forgot who i really was deep inside..i always felt tis sense of condemnation for myself... but like the story i heard ytd.... if no one is there to condemn me.... then who m i to condemn myself??. becoming a christian again taught me to love again... to trust... n again believing wif faith beyond wad i can see.. in 2007... it was a yr i really felt i grew.... growing in many ways i didnt expect... experiencing things i experienced before... but dealing it in a way never b4... n i have onli God to thank for that...

which is the main reason i believe i m now moving to a new goal.... i do not want to go back to my old self again... always lookin back at mistakes i made...regrets i may have but not bein able to do anything about it... right now i juz wanna live for the present... not being a man of regret but something more... i guess being more for the ppl i care about... haha mayb thats y God put me in the 'mata' force rather than the army... perhaps to teach me along the way of moving beyond juz taking care of myself but the ppl beyond me.... away from the selfish character that i so often am... tis i feel is wad i hope to achieve in 2008... moving beyond the pain...the heartaches of 2007 n b4... n forging a new path that i can b used by God to accomplish wad i myself was never able to... i don noe how far i will go or how badly i will fall away from my comfort zone... but i noe that He will help me thru no matter wad...

so i guess this was the reflection.... guess juz wanted to let it go for the new yr ahead rather than keep it inside,... well back to camp tonite... n new challenges ahead.. i noe this may not sound like me to many of u.... but if u hav read tis far i juz thank you for yr patience n don wry.... i will post a lighter post next time i book out on sat..if i m not too tired to. haha.... well...to all...cya..n to the poly ppl.... all e best n God bless for yr projects or tests! n other ppl.... erm... to a new sch term???!