after a long break here i am to blog again...... the reason i m blogging today is well haha... basically because i will be getting back my bariam test results tmr morning.... i dunno how will things turn out except that i noe that wadever happens, it happens for a reason.... on saturday, the sermon went somewhere along such lines... wad will you do wen things spin so wildly out of control that u lose track of wad u r doin.... wen u come to a situation wen u face a prob bigger than any you have faced before... seriously... i feel that the worries i have for tmr are unfounded.. i mean compared to so many ppl i noe out there that face harder things daily, wad m i to say that i am at a baricade in front of me?? haha my probs seems so small...

but s[eaking of it... i guess tis feel weeks in ns where u find u have nothing to do n u r rotting away... u cant help but think bout life seriously u noe haha.... 1 thing i learnt is how fragile we r as humans... fragile not juz physically but i feel more mentally.... ahaha... but den again somehow i feel that may be how we survived so long... mayb God build us to be fragile sentimental creatures... i mean that is the difference we have compared to all other creations n come to think of it... thats how we stand out isnt it?? haha think bout it?

haha mayb its time i changed how i blogged... i guess i m now movin away from writing a blog where i tell ppl what i go thru daily.. rather... a blog where i guess i can juz talk bout thoughs instead... hopefully i can add a philosophical touch to it haha... not that anyone reads it haha... sometimes i juz feel this blog is dead haha... mayb i ought to tell more ppl bout my blog haha... which leads to another question... y do ppl blog? is it an avenue to express one's thots? or rather a platform u hope ppl will see u in your inner state which u r not brave enough to show in reality?? n wen no one bothers to read what u r hoping they will read... wad den?? haha i wonder.....

aft a short time of 2 weeks... i can say that these 2 weeks are the most painful days of my lfe... n i do mean literally as well...for those that noe y.. plz do keep hush hush bout it... ytd i went for the barium check... even now i m still feeling the effects of it though... n although i wish i dun have to go thru it again... i guess i did make the most of it... i see for once the fragility of life haha... 1 day u can be competely well... the next.. u dun noe wad will happen... althiugh there are some funny experiences...like this nyp gal i met... who happens to be doing attachment at the hospital haha... finally i meet someone who really did go on to do radiotherapy altough i rarely heard of it haha..

well the results of my result wil be out on a mth... till den i can onli wait ba.... haiz... somehow now i feel like life is really boring u noe... like veryyday i m doin the same thing over n over n over again... on weekdays i go to work... i mwwt up wif frenz... saturdays i go to church... haoz... its like my whole life revolves around tis vicious cycle... that sometimes i juz wish i can get out of this.... but i guess my life is drawn into it...i wonder if a day will come wen i can juz put down all the things i have n juz do somethin different... juz getting away from all i have here.. not caring bout anything that is...

wadever happens... i will never noe... if my life is to be such that i m walking around in a circle... i juz pray that it will be a beautiful circle...if not.... i juz wanna break free..............................................question is if that is possible.....

hey.... i m back.... ytd national day n today its finally 1 of the more relaxing weekends i havb had for the weekends..... y? becos i m finally able to juz slack at home..... on fri i went to pick nick up from the airport.. it has been a long time since i have been to the airport.. n hearin wad nick had to say about his trip, i m kinda excited to even experience such a trip of my own.... either way... guess my trip to hong kong will be my 1st independent trip ever... n if all goes well.... hopefully i will leave at oct hehe..... hmmm... ytd we also went to pray for singapoer... but wad i felt really was very meaningful was pastor daniel saying that the church had to be united... i fully agreee wif him on that one haha... i mean i don get y some ppl like to distinguish wad kind of a christian m i?? whether anglican.... or wad... i mean does it really matter??? i juz don get tis ppl sometimes u noe... the way they fight among themselves bout whose church is god n which church are not...

haha but ytd i was shocked esp wen my cell grp went to mac t lot 1 n on the way out towards church i actually ran into aisyah.... haha she told me she was goin for a wedding so thats y she was wearing the traditional malay clothing..haha actually tis was the 1st time i saw her wearing that.. cos normally wen we hanged out she always dressed very.... erm like normal lor haha... dunno hw to put it... den in the nite i ran into 1 of my junior from pj... think she in j2 now... oh n my ex classmatee... reinstating once again juz how small the world really is u noe haha.... well enough of crapping for today... tmr if all goes well i will have a seoul garden meal for half price haha.... so lets see wad happens de.. cya ppl

wow... wad a week... i dunno bout u ppl but i guess i had a very eventful week.... n i guess the qn i find myself asking is wad have i learnt... ppl say life is about standing up n moving on.... sometimes i question juz how well can 1 simply move along... as though nothing ever happened... i for 1 have always found an alternative for such stuff.... as another week has passed.. so has 1 more chapter of my life... i have no idea wad is to come... neither do i bother to comprehend all that is and is to come... cos life is simply unpredictable i guess... n inspired by this fren of mine... i lately started this new way of expressing myself... but i will never tell anyone who ask what it is haha... so dun bother...

well tis week i think is gonna b the most times i go to church in a week.... but nope... on tues nite n wed nite... i went for this church event hosted by this prof... although the reason i went was cos my fren at work dragged me along... wad i can say is that it was fruitful in a way.... oh... i guess its also the 1st time i stepped into an anglican church as well.... so wad can i say.... i experienced things that i somel i did not experience elsewhere... i guess pastor dan. is right in sayin every church has its own way of experiencing n working for God... well thats it for tonite... n i guess till nxt time...

o btw... nick is comin back on the 8 of aug nxt fri... his flight is arriving at 745pm.... so... welcome back nick!!!!! n for those who wanna fetch him... can always ask me for details haha.... cya den...

relevation i seek to find

Bread Upon the Waters

Cast your upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.
Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to mthe north, in the place where it falls, there it lie.
Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you do not understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Sow your seed in the morning and let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.

Remember Your Creator While Young
Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.
However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the ways of darkness, for there will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.
Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let you heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.

Ecclesiastes 11: 1-10


this is the 1st time i actually quote a verse from the bible. the reason is simple really... the reason i put it down is because this was the 1 chpt that has been in my mind all these while.. guess for a few months... but a verse i did not really understand the meaning... but if its a verse God keeps tellin me... i can onli guess there is a secret meaning... and after all the events that has been happening these few weeks in my life especially yesterday morning... i can actually say that i have finally understood a little of wad God is telling me thru this verse... & its true... mayb He knew all along and was preparing for me all these time... sincerely i cannot say...

recently there are a few events that i regret deeply how i handled... i juz could not take it anymore and it juz came out on saturday morning.... I wasnt really ready or really up there wen i went to church... but the sermon yesterday really hit the spot at the question i had been asking myself all these while...the difference between building character & reputation... Finally i can safely say that the one thing i had been searching for since i became a christian has finally been revealed... for so many yrs i have lost it... that i actually forgot wad it was... i actually felt life was really not really there... i was not really living my life... i could not really commit myself to anything because i knew i was not entirely ready.... sometimes wen the world cannot accept who we really are.. we end up being wad the world wants us to be... & i lost sight of who i was on the inside..

After wad happened ytd... it was like suddenly all the truth abt me were all said to me.... n by tis person who God truly knew i will be afected by...

That person is right and i hope that my actions now will show that i can change.. that i can find my character once more... & not living like everything is out of my hands..i guess i hav tis urge to apologise to the ppl i hurt because i was lost in life.. although i guess its too late for some now... because i lost a part of me... it ended up in me missing out so many things in life...but wad is done is done.. n i guess i can onli hope that wen i do find out who i really am inside... i can finally find this peace within one self that so many have seeked... but few of us ever find..................................................

guess who???
me juz b4 ns

i guess some of u might b wondering y r those pics up haha.... well on sat we had to bring our famuily photo... n well @ chrch i juz nice saw some ppl who brought photos of them wen they were young haha... so i went home... n i dug up some pics haha... n yes... that baby at the top is me... think bout 10 mths old... den its followed by me wen i was 6 i think hhaha... well i couldnt really find a pic where i was alone recently... so that pic had to do.... i guess i can say it feels kinda strange lookin @ yourself haha n thinkin back... i was tis small???

well... besides that... i also made a decision on my course of study.... so starting from tis week for the next 10 mths... i will b a very busy man haha... cos i m currently taking a part time course... in mass comm.... ya... thats my decision... but not my choice in career... haha... i noe some ppl will say y not psychology.... but well... i m still taking a degree in psychology... i guess wad i m sayin is that... this is my back up plan in case i m not accepted into psychology....

aftetr seeing so many things happening... i can finally say i see the impt of a back up plan... cos u nvr noe hw things will end up u noe... ya... so that practically makes my mondays & weds tiring cos i study till 10pm.//.. but no pain no gain.,,.. i juz pray i wil have the strength to go thru tis.... ya... well thats for today... n a little update bout my life... hope u ppl enjoy the photos!!! cya:)

well... its been a long long time since i last updated... n l can say i experienced alot in these 2 weeks haha... but to get things started let me update u on the amazing race that my church organised....

i can say it was a gd experience for me... during the amazing race as it was the 1st time i was a grp leader in church haha... so for once i attended the leaders meeting on fri haha... yup... my grp had hsien tze, sasha, rachel(a newcomer haha), lora, oli, ziyi, yani, shi feng and yu ting... of course including me... at 1st i guess i was pretty nervous cos i didnt noe hw cooperative my grp will b but well... they were the most cooperative bunch i guess haha... we were told to bring 2 sets of clothes... so i was prepared to get down n dirty haha...

we went to like 4 diff places haha... n during the race we actually got lost... no not in finding the place... but upon reaching the destination, in finding the game marshall haha.... esp at imm haha.....grrr.... n it was both tough mentally n physically for me as well haha... for e.g.. how many of u noe that imm stands for international merchandise mall???? n i nearly died at rock climbing haha... while i felt good bout finishing it...(mic bay said it was the advanced wall... but i kinda doubt it haha) i came down wif sore fingers that was swollen the entire week lolz...

but i guess the worst of all was the game the slider..... where i was the base of the human ladder we formed... needless to say i came out 1 of the dirtiest aft the game haha... n there was so much mud on my body u would think i m naked from afar haha.... yup... that bad.. n the whle time the yi ppl were filming us... so we had to like act lah u noe lolz..... welll all in all while we didnt win the amazing race... we certainly didnt lose... so really gotta thank God that we came out fine... other than a little cuts n briuses here n there lolz.....

on the previous sunday i went to tis uncle hse in the nite lolz... while the food was good, wad i really did that amazed me was that i actually joined that uncle's son and daughter n niece for a karoake session haha..well i guess it was alrite since they were all round my age as well.. while i was hesitant at 1st... well... aft getting the mike shoved in yr face by the 3 of them... u would start singing as well haha.... n i actually sang chinese songs... haha.... while my mom complimented my voice... i kinda felt i wasnt a really gd singer haha... cos i can tgo too high if not i will zao xia haha....

last week i watches loads of movies haha.. actually onli 2... don mess wif the zohan n get smart... i will highly reccommend get smart over zohan cos 1... i felt it was funnier... evan n i kept laughing thruout the movie haha.... n 2... its more worthwhile as a comedy lol... hahah oh oh nt forgetting the sermon on sat haha... which had to do wif misusing God's name haha.... like i for 1 m gonna control my thots n words haha... cos wad i say will afect hw i m looked upon as a christian lolz... while some of the things i said b4 were said in ignorance... i believe now that i noe wad not to say... i oughta control my tongue as well hahaha...

well thats bout all so far... now kinda tired n wanna crash in juz a little earlier haha.... esp since my muscles r aching haha.... nope.... nt from the rock climbing but from the trip to the gym i went earlier on haha.... so ya... here is wishing all ppl wif examinations all the best n GOD BLESS...haha.... haiz... busy day tmr... hope i can write down everything on time tmr for the meeting since i will b takin minutes... grrr.... well cya ppl!!!