haha back to post once more...... this week can be said to a week i m always looking forward to haha.... guess u can call it a week of freedom haha.... being the only one at home n all haha.... cos my mom n sis went overseas so woooohooooo..... feels good haha.....

its funny how ppl like freedom so much that sometimes, its worth fighting n dying for haha.... sometimes i wonder if human nature is all abt being free?? we are always looking for ways to free ourselves..... even the bible is about being set free..... like a bird in the sky or even a fish in the ocean.... i guess all i can say ts that its somethin ppl r willing to give up everything for... haha

haha welll another reason to rejoice in my blog today is that finally.... after so many failures n such... this morning.... i FINALLY PASSED MY IPPT haha.... i was like woah.... over the world... so of u might ask... y so happy? its juz some stupid physical test!!!! but haha... to me... it showed how hard work n hard training finally helped me pass all stations... including my dreaded SBJ haha... n i really really really gotta thank God for tis triumph..... for without his help... i wont even be close to passing haha.... welll thats all the crapping for today... n heres wishing Marvin a Happy Birthday!!!!! n Nick... although 2 days in adv haha.... Happy Birthday!!! well thats all folks... till nxt time haha....

haha came back from hong kong & finally got the time to blog once more lol.... well i guess for my hk trip, i gotta say it was pretty fun since it was the 1st time i went overseas without my family lol... & i experienced many things & of course saw many things as well... haha...

If there is 1 thing i miss bout hk... it gotta be the food & the cheap stuff haha.... i mean it... u can like eat food over there that is cheaper if not the same price as Singapore food, but the quality regardless of the price is always there haha.... so i can say i was very impressed... haha not to forget that wen i went to Macao, the casinos there were a real eye opener haha... casinos like the Venetian, or even Sands... there were like so many nice things to see haha..... well if any of u go to hk.. don forget to try the egg tarts there haha n the pork chop burger haha... i simply loved it beyond compare haha....

thinking back... its now november haha... n i m really really glad hah... cos i m almost at my 1 yr mark in NS haha... so ya... almost halfway thru it all man... hmm.. its gonna be a quiet 2 months now... haha... i juz hoped that i can spend my end of the year doing quality stuff haha.... kike planning my leave... cos gotta clear... not that i have many days to clear haha.... well seems that the A lvls is almost over... so haha... i m sure my frenz out there are pretty glad at this point... i noe i was last yr at this point haha... as for the results haha.... i guess i juz left it at that till the time came haha... but well.. wadzz past is past...so cant brood over it haha... ok guess thats all the things i can think of sayin now haha...cya

hiya... so wad can i say bout these past few weeks? tiring haha... on sat we signed the covanent... n well i really hopes this bonds the cell grp more than before haha.... but i guess i can really see the bond growing... for example.. we start hanging out beyond church timings... many a time proposed by shi feng... ms 4.0... n seriously the last person i will ever expect haha... on sun i can happily say that i conquered another milestone... haha... n i m glad that i did not run away at the last min which seriously i was planning to big time haha...

wad is the milestone??? well its taking part in the real run haha... n i was glad to say i completed the 15km run haha.... although the timing was not impressive.. a humbling 1 hr 46 mins... but i was really proud that i managed to run it finish haha.... o n to add to that... on Monday i went to play the arcade, actually the hunting game which the guys r well aquainted with haha... n i managed to get 1st n 3rd position in the wolf ranking... marvin if u r reading this... thks for introing the game haha... n nick... erm... better luck nxt time??? haha....

haha guess the topic i was wondering tis week was the fact of whether everythin that happens happens by the choices we make/?? or was it alr determined by God's will... i mean seriuosly sometimes i find sermons rather confusing... i mean supposing everything we leave it up to his way... that is wad we agree on in placing since we dont noe wad happens the nxt day.... n wen things go well we always take it for granted... but wen we make mistakes n bad unexpected things happen... i mean.. did it happen due to our choice?? as christians we question ourselves,... was that God's will for me?? for that bad thing to happen? or whether my choice altered His will n the way things turned out? n if it comes to a point that we think like this... can we say that we really leave things to God? or are we the ppl responsible for our destiny??

haha.... guess its somethin i don think i will find an ans to soon... but well i welcome any ideas on this haha.... well thats all for now... n hopefully i do ok for my ippt tmr haha...(fingers crossed)

after a long break here i am to blog again...... the reason i m blogging today is well haha... basically because i will be getting back my bariam test results tmr morning.... i dunno how will things turn out except that i noe that wadever happens, it happens for a reason.... on saturday, the sermon went somewhere along such lines... wad will you do wen things spin so wildly out of control that u lose track of wad u r doin.... wen u come to a situation wen u face a prob bigger than any you have faced before... seriously... i feel that the worries i have for tmr are unfounded.. i mean compared to so many ppl i noe out there that face harder things daily, wad m i to say that i am at a baricade in front of me?? haha my probs seems so small...

but s[eaking of it... i guess tis feel weeks in ns where u find u have nothing to do n u r rotting away... u cant help but think bout life seriously u noe haha.... 1 thing i learnt is how fragile we r as humans... fragile not juz physically but i feel more mentally.... ahaha... but den again somehow i feel that may be how we survived so long... mayb God build us to be fragile sentimental creatures... i mean that is the difference we have compared to all other creations n come to think of it... thats how we stand out isnt it?? haha think bout it?

haha mayb its time i changed how i blogged... i guess i m now movin away from writing a blog where i tell ppl what i go thru daily.. rather... a blog where i guess i can juz talk bout thoughs instead... hopefully i can add a philosophical touch to it haha... not that anyone reads it haha... sometimes i juz feel this blog is dead haha... mayb i ought to tell more ppl bout my blog haha... which leads to another question... y do ppl blog? is it an avenue to express one's thots? or rather a platform u hope ppl will see u in your inner state which u r not brave enough to show in reality?? n wen no one bothers to read what u r hoping they will read... wad den?? haha i wonder.....

aft a short time of 2 weeks... i can say that these 2 weeks are the most painful days of my lfe... n i do mean literally as well...for those that noe y.. plz do keep hush hush bout it... ytd i went for the barium check... even now i m still feeling the effects of it though... n although i wish i dun have to go thru it again... i guess i did make the most of it... i see for once the fragility of life haha... 1 day u can be competely well... the next.. u dun noe wad will happen... althiugh there are some funny experiences...like this nyp gal i met... who happens to be doing attachment at the hospital haha... finally i meet someone who really did go on to do radiotherapy altough i rarely heard of it haha..

well the results of my result wil be out on a mth... till den i can onli wait ba.... haiz... somehow now i feel like life is really boring u noe... like veryyday i m doin the same thing over n over n over again... on weekdays i go to work... i mwwt up wif frenz... saturdays i go to church... haoz... its like my whole life revolves around tis vicious cycle... that sometimes i juz wish i can get out of this.... but i guess my life is drawn into it...i wonder if a day will come wen i can juz put down all the things i have n juz do somethin different... juz getting away from all i have here.. not caring bout anything that is...

wadever happens... i will never noe... if my life is to be such that i m walking around in a circle... i juz pray that it will be a beautiful circle...if not.... i juz wanna break free..............................................question is if that is possible.....

hey.... i m back.... ytd national day n today its finally 1 of the more relaxing weekends i havb had for the weekends..... y? becos i m finally able to juz slack at home..... on fri i went to pick nick up from the airport.. it has been a long time since i have been to the airport.. n hearin wad nick had to say about his trip, i m kinda excited to even experience such a trip of my own.... either way... guess my trip to hong kong will be my 1st independent trip ever... n if all goes well.... hopefully i will leave at oct hehe..... hmmm... ytd we also went to pray for singapoer... but wad i felt really was very meaningful was pastor daniel saying that the church had to be united... i fully agreee wif him on that one haha... i mean i don get y some ppl like to distinguish wad kind of a christian m i?? whether anglican.... or wad... i mean does it really matter??? i juz don get tis ppl sometimes u noe... the way they fight among themselves bout whose church is god n which church are not...

haha but ytd i was shocked esp wen my cell grp went to mac t lot 1 n on the way out towards church i actually ran into aisyah.... haha she told me she was goin for a wedding so thats y she was wearing the traditional malay clothing..haha actually tis was the 1st time i saw her wearing that.. cos normally wen we hanged out she always dressed very.... erm like normal lor haha... dunno hw to put it... den in the nite i ran into 1 of my junior from pj... think she in j2 now... oh n my ex classmatee... reinstating once again juz how small the world really is u noe haha.... well enough of crapping for today... tmr if all goes well i will have a seoul garden meal for half price haha.... so lets see wad happens de.. cya ppl

wow... wad a week... i dunno bout u ppl but i guess i had a very eventful week.... n i guess the qn i find myself asking is wad have i learnt... ppl say life is about standing up n moving on.... sometimes i question juz how well can 1 simply move along... as though nothing ever happened... i for 1 have always found an alternative for such stuff.... as another week has passed.. so has 1 more chapter of my life... i have no idea wad is to come... neither do i bother to comprehend all that is and is to come... cos life is simply unpredictable i guess... n inspired by this fren of mine... i lately started this new way of expressing myself... but i will never tell anyone who ask what it is haha... so dun bother...

well tis week i think is gonna b the most times i go to church in a week.... but nope... on tues nite n wed nite... i went for this church event hosted by this prof... although the reason i went was cos my fren at work dragged me along... wad i can say is that it was fruitful in a way.... oh... i guess its also the 1st time i stepped into an anglican church as well.... so wad can i say.... i experienced things that i somel i did not experience elsewhere... i guess pastor dan. is right in sayin every church has its own way of experiencing n working for God... well thats it for tonite... n i guess till nxt time...

o btw... nick is comin back on the 8 of aug nxt fri... his flight is arriving at 745pm.... so... welcome back nick!!!!! n for those who wanna fetch him... can always ask me for details haha.... cya den...

relevation i seek to find

Bread Upon the Waters

Cast your upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.
Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to mthe north, in the place where it falls, there it lie.
Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you do not understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Sow your seed in the morning and let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.

Remember Your Creator While Young
Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.
However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the ways of darkness, for there will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.
Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let you heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.

Ecclesiastes 11: 1-10


this is the 1st time i actually quote a verse from the bible. the reason is simple really... the reason i put it down is because this was the 1 chpt that has been in my mind all these while.. guess for a few months... but a verse i did not really understand the meaning... but if its a verse God keeps tellin me... i can onli guess there is a secret meaning... and after all the events that has been happening these few weeks in my life especially yesterday morning... i can actually say that i have finally understood a little of wad God is telling me thru this verse... & its true... mayb He knew all along and was preparing for me all these time... sincerely i cannot say...

recently there are a few events that i regret deeply how i handled... i juz could not take it anymore and it juz came out on saturday morning.... I wasnt really ready or really up there wen i went to church... but the sermon yesterday really hit the spot at the question i had been asking myself all these while...the difference between building character & reputation... Finally i can safely say that the one thing i had been searching for since i became a christian has finally been revealed... for so many yrs i have lost it... that i actually forgot wad it was... i actually felt life was really not really there... i was not really living my life... i could not really commit myself to anything because i knew i was not entirely ready.... sometimes wen the world cannot accept who we really are.. we end up being wad the world wants us to be... & i lost sight of who i was on the inside..

After wad happened ytd... it was like suddenly all the truth abt me were all said to me.... n by tis person who God truly knew i will be afected by...

That person is right and i hope that my actions now will show that i can change.. that i can find my character once more... & not living like everything is out of my hands..i guess i hav tis urge to apologise to the ppl i hurt because i was lost in life.. although i guess its too late for some now... because i lost a part of me... it ended up in me missing out so many things in life...but wad is done is done.. n i guess i can onli hope that wen i do find out who i really am inside... i can finally find this peace within one self that so many have seeked... but few of us ever find..................................................

guess who???
me juz b4 ns

i guess some of u might b wondering y r those pics up haha.... well on sat we had to bring our famuily photo... n well @ chrch i juz nice saw some ppl who brought photos of them wen they were young haha... so i went home... n i dug up some pics haha... n yes... that baby at the top is me... think bout 10 mths old... den its followed by me wen i was 6 i think hhaha... well i couldnt really find a pic where i was alone recently... so that pic had to do.... i guess i can say it feels kinda strange lookin @ yourself haha n thinkin back... i was tis small???

well... besides that... i also made a decision on my course of study.... so starting from tis week for the next 10 mths... i will b a very busy man haha... cos i m currently taking a part time course... in mass comm.... ya... thats my decision... but not my choice in career... haha... i noe some ppl will say y not psychology.... but well... i m still taking a degree in psychology... i guess wad i m sayin is that... this is my back up plan in case i m not accepted into psychology....

aftetr seeing so many things happening... i can finally say i see the impt of a back up plan... cos u nvr noe hw things will end up u noe... ya... so that practically makes my mondays & weds tiring cos i study till 10pm.//.. but no pain no gain.,,.. i juz pray i wil have the strength to go thru tis.... ya... well thats for today... n a little update bout my life... hope u ppl enjoy the photos!!! cya:)

well... its been a long long time since i last updated... n l can say i experienced alot in these 2 weeks haha... but to get things started let me update u on the amazing race that my church organised....

i can say it was a gd experience for me... during the amazing race as it was the 1st time i was a grp leader in church haha... so for once i attended the leaders meeting on fri haha... yup... my grp had hsien tze, sasha, rachel(a newcomer haha), lora, oli, ziyi, yani, shi feng and yu ting... of course including me... at 1st i guess i was pretty nervous cos i didnt noe hw cooperative my grp will b but well... they were the most cooperative bunch i guess haha... we were told to bring 2 sets of clothes... so i was prepared to get down n dirty haha...

we went to like 4 diff places haha... n during the race we actually got lost... no not in finding the place... but upon reaching the destination, in finding the game marshall haha.... esp at imm haha.....grrr.... n it was both tough mentally n physically for me as well haha... for e.g.. how many of u noe that imm stands for international merchandise mall???? n i nearly died at rock climbing haha... while i felt good bout finishing it...(mic bay said it was the advanced wall... but i kinda doubt it haha) i came down wif sore fingers that was swollen the entire week lolz...

but i guess the worst of all was the game the slider..... where i was the base of the human ladder we formed... needless to say i came out 1 of the dirtiest aft the game haha... n there was so much mud on my body u would think i m naked from afar haha.... yup... that bad.. n the whle time the yi ppl were filming us... so we had to like act lah u noe lolz..... welll all in all while we didnt win the amazing race... we certainly didnt lose... so really gotta thank God that we came out fine... other than a little cuts n briuses here n there lolz.....

on the previous sunday i went to tis uncle hse in the nite lolz... while the food was good, wad i really did that amazed me was that i actually joined that uncle's son and daughter n niece for a karoake session haha..well i guess it was alrite since they were all round my age as well.. while i was hesitant at 1st... well... aft getting the mike shoved in yr face by the 3 of them... u would start singing as well haha.... n i actually sang chinese songs... haha.... while my mom complimented my voice... i kinda felt i wasnt a really gd singer haha... cos i can tgo too high if not i will zao xia haha....

last week i watches loads of movies haha.. actually onli 2... don mess wif the zohan n get smart... i will highly reccommend get smart over zohan cos 1... i felt it was funnier... evan n i kept laughing thruout the movie haha.... n 2... its more worthwhile as a comedy lol... hahah oh oh nt forgetting the sermon on sat haha... which had to do wif misusing God's name haha.... like i for 1 m gonna control my thots n words haha... cos wad i say will afect hw i m looked upon as a christian lolz... while some of the things i said b4 were said in ignorance... i believe now that i noe wad not to say... i oughta control my tongue as well hahaha...

well thats bout all so far... now kinda tired n wanna crash in juz a little earlier haha.... esp since my muscles r aching haha.... nope.... nt from the rock climbing but from the trip to the gym i went earlier on haha.... so ya... here is wishing all ppl wif examinations all the best n GOD BLESS...haha.... haiz... busy day tmr... hope i can write down everything on time tmr for the meeting since i will b takin minutes... grrr.... well cya ppl!!!

well back again,.... n i guess i got a happy ending thing to blog abt today... well last nite i went out wif my dad... it was all fun n cool n all... wadz more i actually ate a pretty good buffet haha... got sashimi.... crayfish... good prawns... o n my fav..... a tiramisu cheezecake!!! if mic bay ate it i think she might go crazy haha... but well wen we came home my mom stopped us n we all had a talk... or rather it was btw my sis n my mom... so i was like the middleman... soon.... tension was high n i was thinkin,.... wad the heck m i doin there... but den at the end.... i dun noe wad came over me... but i juz started talkin to my sis.... n like... i dunno.. for a long time now... i nvr did dare giv ppl advice... cos i felt really not gd enough to... cos i guess... havin probs of my own... who am i to do it??? but somehow i juz helped my sis... n while i hav no idea wad i said... it helped her n i actually got to experience recouncilation again.. n somehow i guess i learnt somethin else... sometimes we may make mistakes... n ppl lose their trust in us... n while we may change... we may get frustrated wen we find that ppl still don believe we hav changed...

but at the end of the day... its not others but ourselves that need to prove to others that we can b trusted again.... n in the end.. it does nt matter if the world does ntbelieve us? rather... as long as we hav a clear conscience,, we can b sure that GOd will always noe the truth... to tell u the truth... i actually felt good bout myself for once in a long long time... after finally being able to help again last nite... n i guess... thats more than enough for me.............................................






well i saw tis bell on the bus n i actually was kinda alarmed bout pressing the button haha... thks to the emergency use underneath... but well.. i guess it was kinda interesting to me hhaha.... enjoy:)

the desert i was talkin bout... at the beginning... n below... 10 mins later haha n alot to finish.. sian liao haha
haha jac kena BRAIN FREEZE!!! LOL...
finally we about to finish... n my stomach cant take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back... ytd... we celebrated fiona bdae... which shi feng planned haha... she was surprised so i guess it was a success... ya n well seein the probs she is facing... hope she will stay strong haha n wad we did hopefully helped cheer her up a little... at least..marvin wanted to talk to me bout some prob i faced... so bro... really appreciate it.. but i m ok alr.. haha ya... so thks for the concern dude!!!. aft that i went to meet my frenz haha..on the way i actually met my ex sch mate shi min haa.. she really changed alr... n i actually realised she lives quite near to me haha... wonder if we will meet again lolz.... but nth much haha xcept i saw my cousin aft a long time.so it was pretty wierd lol.....

today i went to this australia uni open house... n ya... i saw many uni... n 1 really caught my eye... murdoch uni... somehow tis kinda stood out from the rest... i wonder y... haha.... well i will see if this is wad He wants... since ya i got rejected from all the spore unis.... but either way... since i was wif jac.... haha in the aft we went to chill... b4 goin back to work tmr haha... ya we went to cineleisure played pool n we went to tis hk cafe i think n had ouur meal there...

den jac ordered tis desert haha... like a castle lol... we had a hard time eating it lah lolz... at the end... we both had brain freeze n were like totally full haha... but it was nice though lol... n when we finished it... we felt really happy haha.. dunno y?mayb we crazy le... till nw i still shivering lolz.. from the cold,.. so its back to work again... well cya ppl... for ppl wif exams all tjhe best... those wif hols.. good for ya...cya ppl!

i've tried my best... i've done all i could... but i guess to u... good will never b enough.... sometimes... sometimes i wonder... y?? y muz u put me down in all that i do... in all i wanna b? m i really so bad?? that i m not strong enough to handle wad is happening? to comprehend wad i have to face in the future? i noe that i m not that strong... n sometimes i wonder y shld i put in so much effort?? wen all my efforts r never enough for u... all i hope.. is that u will tell me that its enough... that u r proud of me?? i noe that i m not as intelligent as the rest... not as fast... mayb even naive to u.... but u noe wad... if thats who i m to u... all i can say is that i m sorry... sorry that i m not the person u wanted me to be... ok! SORRY...

well... tis is the 1st time in a long time u will c me blog on a tuesday haha... ya.. i m on leave tis week... so i will start work proper next tues also haha... well... i finally noe my posting... but i will b workin at thomson around that area... although its a good thing i got a direct bus there so its not that bad.... man i gotta say... its a big difference for me payin bus concession now compared to a long time ago... last time i was a student... i onli paid 27.50... now i gotta pay 61 bucks!!! n that is higher than poly ppl lah... lucky them grrrr...... but the gd thing is that i finally noe the feelin of havin my own office haha... workin directly under tis officer... basically i m somethin like a secretary haha...

on pop day... i can say it was the day we were all wAitin for... n thank God everythin went swell... except tis caogeng guy who fainted haha... he was the onli guy lah.. on thurs in the morn we went to de-kit... which means clearing out the stuff haha... n for my bunk... it became a fun session... since the whole floor of our room was wet... we basically played like there was no tmr... n i was tao pok by my frens lah... imagine 5 fat guys lyin on top of u...sandwichin u between the floor... but well... everyone got their just desert nonetheless..haha... in the nite i went to seoul garden wif my squad mates so ya... we celebrated...

on fri my squad had a bbq at east coast park haha... so it was great to have a gathering once more haha.....ya gonna miss those jokers haha...the funniest was i saw jason's(the acjc one) twin bro justin haha... damn funny... i was eating my food wen i saw jason walkin from the carpark... i found it strange that he wore a different shirt n i rmb him cookin also... den that guy waved at me... so i waved back wif my eyes following him... suddenly in my view there were 2 jasons!!!! i was like wad the!!! i thot i seein double den i rmb he had a bro haha... wow...wad an experience..., n since i wil b stuck wif him for this 2 yrs since he was sent to the same department as me!!!! mayb its GOd plan...

well...on last sat... where we celebrated mic bay bdae... at 1st say wanna do it on vesak day so that wont dirty the church... but we still dirtied it nonetheless haha... y?? well i simply suggested puttin her cake at her face cos haha it looked like a pie... next thing i noe.. suyin really did it haha...next thing i noe... well the bdae gal slammed cake at my face..fiona also lah..i also dunno y
? i so innocent lolz...i also had fun chasing li xin to the toilet to make him haha so ya.. well guess we had fun... cleaning up of course... i rmb wen i went home my face was like so oily haha..

well i wonder wad to do tis week... most likely juz relaxin n buyin stuff haha.... n savin my money haha... since now i no more free food lolz... well.. thats it for now...so cya soon....

ps.hope the uni will reply bout somethin soon...

i will rmb i always have a choice

after some time... i m back again... next week is my pop... which means that i will b posted out alr... as to wad will i b doin... guess wont b sayin... except its a 9 to 5 job workin for someone lor... and as the pop comes... its also time for me to keep a promise tat i had made...y???

the reason is becos i once told God that while i didnt really want the post i m at... but if it is his will that i will b doin it... i will do it... n keep the promise that i hav been running away from for these few months... mayb some of u will realise that i may b a little different this few months... well... its cos i dunno... i guess i m finally tired of wearing a facade wen facing ppl... this few months has been one of the toughest months of my life... it can b considered one of my most down moments... other than the bad results of my As... and as how mic bay had said on how uncertain my life was... i also learnt some things bout my past as well... how my mom actually told me some things that i didnt wanna noe... but i had to noe in order to prepare in the future...its really complicated and somehow i doubt i can do it? but still... it has to come i guess..

i really wanna take tis chance to thank the ppl who has been so patient wif me tis few months.. n actually accompanying me wen i needed a break... even though i noe they have a very busy life... ppl like marvin... jac... will... haha well u guys noe who u r...

as to the promise i made? well i gave him my word that if i really got this post.. it will mean that he wants me to forget bout everythin in the past... n have a new focus in life... that i will hav to let go of everythin and everyone that will prohibit a change... as the movie i watched ytd... second chance.. its time i leave it completely to him n take tis 2nd chance myself..not juz for him... but myself as well...

i myself feel that tis will b pretty hard.. but as the bible says... trust him n fear nothing but the God almighty right? haha.. soi'ss see how tis goes... well if u got to read tis post... mayb u r lucky... mayb not haha... i leave it up to u.. well cya all..

back to blog after an absence haha... well... i have finally reached a point where i m 2 weeks away from my pop... a term ns ppl r familiar with.... n i cant wait for the 7 of may haha... when i can finally leave hta... come to think of it i have come quite far... finally passed my law exam which is wad i will say a complete miracle... so praise god for that haha... as the sayin goes... everything that has a beginning has an end... about to leave this band of brothers n who noe wad awaits me?? with a future so uncertain as mic bay has been tellin me... i hav no idea wad lay ahead... all that i noe is that many of my past dreams lay broken n i guess i m a little lost or overwhelmed on where i m now...

guess 1 thing in life is letting go n moving on... at least i m not alone on tis... hopefully the next time i blog i wil have good news to share haha... but for now... i m juz watin,,, n hopin that drill does not kill me 1st... basically my life now is drill from morning to evening...so its pretty boring haha... but wad to do? i guess the poly ppl n jc ppl on the othetr hand r startin to step up in wad they r doin haha... whether new semester or mid yr exams haha... i feel for them lolz....

thats all this time.. i wanna watch tv now haha... a luxury i love haha.. so cya ppl...

well... ytd at church we were asked to think of what would my life be if i wasnt a christian... hmmm... while others had a lot of comments of me... i guess i couldnt help but think bout it myself... well for starters... i would probable dye my hair red haha.... ya... i always wanted to do that haha... dunno y hehe... n among others... guess mayb i will b spendin more time wif my frenz cos i will b free on sats... who noe??? i may become a clubbing freak as well haha... wonder if that is scary haha... but 1 thing i noe is that i will nvr turn to smoking hah... y??? cos i totally hate smoking... n i guess m a little allergic to it ahahaha.... but guess... if i wasnt a christian... i may never noe many of the close frenz i hav made today as a result....n who noes wad my life wif my mom would have been now?? i nvr wanna find out... well... i guess wad i can say is that life is pretty fast for me now... especially wif my preparations for uni...

but like wad mr koh say... i gotta prepare safety nets... n ya... guess i m also thinkin bout this uni in the us... called purdue... well.. i dunno if its God plans for me to leave the country... but i don wanna think bout it... i juz wanna leave everything to God to decide... juz do my best... ya... well guess thats it for now... gotta go do my last min checks for stuff... ya... n hopefully i can pass my test... damn scared bout it lah... haiz... chiong lah..

sometimes i juz wonder.... in life... how often do we get to choose n how often do we get chosen.... seems pretty complicated to me.... do i find myself drowning at times wen it des happen?
between wad i want n givin up wad i want the most... do i hav the power to act? in times of crisis... r u the person that u think u truly are?? if i were to b in danger.... do u save yourself or the one closest to u... in the end its all juz a qn of wad to do isnt it? turning to God??? turning to self? how does 1 truly determine if it is one that wil b regrettable or fruitful? m i truly growing? m i truly changing? or m i overwhelmed by it that i find myself lost in the turmoils of a lifetime..

haiz... sry... i juz needed to get those thoughts out of my head.... now bak to business... hmmm for e.g. i finally decided on a course... which is sociology... haha... yup its more of a social sci sub... many say its better to go overwseas for it... but truly i m not sure of wad kinda choice wil i make... guess still lookin about... sis wanping once asked me... do i think god wants me to go overseas... n i m still pondering over it... although i feel the ans is somewhat not wad i want to hear... but on the bright side... apart from findin out i did badly for my As... i also failed my ippt again.... grr... u noe wad... i FIRMLY PROCLAIM THAT I CANNOT JUMP FOR NUTS!!!! i accept it as a reality of life... grr.... but on the brighter side... i did well for the rest... swimming... psoc... haha n i finally got a marksman for my shootin haha... kena pressured by marvin n nic... grrr...

welll finally i bookin out on fridays haha so thats somethin to b glad bout haha.... welll thats it for now... tume to turn in haha... well nitez n cya ppl....

i didnt wanna believe it... neither did i hope that it would turn out like tis... but i guess that it had to happen eventually.... well... i screwed up my A lvls... which pretty much means uni is sorta like closed to me.... i kept askin God to giv me the strength to move on.... to understand y tis had to happen... was it a test or pure assurance that my decision 2 yrs back was a really bad one... wadever it is... gotta treat it as a lesson... well... today talked to lots of ppl bout wad can b my exit pt frm here.... but guess still haven decided yet.,... it feels like all is in a mess... like i m in this hase n movin forward... not havin the simplest idea of where is my life headed... i guess i m also too tired to think.... nw juz takin things 1 step at a time.... 1 thing i hold on to is this statement...
y do we fall??? so that we can pick ourself up again.... even though i m nt sure how to do it... i sure m goona try... i juz pray i wil hav the strength to stand n not run away..... these thots echoing in my head.... wen r they gonna stop?? i got no idea... guess till i finally fu=ind a solution...i guess tis sayin is thru den... i gotta change... its not who i m underneath... but wad i do that defines me... how true tis is.... n i guess tis is where my life will b headed.............outcome=unknown............................................

haiz... life is becomin so routine and boring lately... i cant begin to explain it... well...ytd at church i learnt wwsd... known as what would satan do haha.... so its like cool... n i felt i learnt a little somethin.... n once again goin into camp again.... aft all these times i guess i m juz becomin to lazy to blog sinc like i got no creative juices haha... so yup... forget it.... later my blog bedcome like evan haha.... who noes... finally gone thru bout 1/2 of my bmt... so ya that is somethin to b happy about....
welll huess that is all i wanna share bout tis time haha.. got some matters really gotta think bout now... juz hope i will make the right ones haha... anyway... nick is finally at shanghai haha so all e best dude... well cya ppl...

well finally another week has passed... n another week closer to the big day... the A lvl results haha... once again tis week i m 18cm away from passing my ippt... grrr... after passin pull ups... now i m stuck at tis point for the 2nd week,.... i really dunno how to pass my sbj lah... cant jump for nuts!!! haiz...

anyway... enough of tis complainin... so i shall move on to valentines day haha... well.... tis is my 1st vdae that i spend in camp wif a whole bunch of guys... so everyone keep saboing each other lah like asking around if anyone got say happy valentines to a gal... haha... den sabo by snatching away the hp... grrr... chan jing actually snatched my hp lah.... n did somethin wif it haha... on sat at church... i was seriously tryin to stay awake durin sermon... thanks to rt in the morning... but i m glad i did... cos i learnt so much abt prayer lolz... yup... in the end... its yr intentions that matters haha.... in the nite... i had to leave earlier cos got guests in my hse haha... so i became the water boy... serving ppl drinks... cleanin up the mess haha... well the things the host will do for his beloved guests lolz... either way... i m really glad that i managed to b a good host n meet my relatives haha... tonite goin back in for another whole week... i really pray that i can finally pass my ippt so i can go home on FRI!!!!!! haiz... but i guess its up to his will... yup.... as my fren jerome always says... its all in God's plan... haha

well thats all for today... to all e ppl havin exams... all e best n strive hard ya!!!! haha... n all a lvl results ppl... God bless lol... cya!!

hmmm happy chinese new yr ppl... well today went for church hse visiting... but b4 that for service... we watched a movie called a freewheel or somethin... basically bout a old car salesman who was lost but found his way back wif God... the ppl in the movie were e same ppl frm the movie facing e giants... like e main character... i gotta tell u... tis movie really touched me and i guess it was a prayer answered by God bcos well as mich bay say today... i was well facin a crisis bout church....

mic bay cleared my doubts wen she said e whole church was under an attack where ppl were tired of comin 2 church... that was y we had the 12 midnite prayer thingy... she said our cell alone had 3-4 ppl... i knew iwas 1 of them... but i cant figure out who r the rest... juz gotta pray hard... the movie i guess showed a reflection of me... n i thing i came away frm it was that doin things my way got my kinda results... but God's way were better... n that our choices in life etermine the state i m now... whether full or empty... but wad really hit home was the statement that sometimes its not that we cant hear the word of God... but rather that we choose not to accept it as it contradicts wif our way of life... haiz... i decided to make the change... now i onli hope i can really hold on to that thought...

well enough of that... aft that we went to nick n shi feng hse... it was there that we really had a lot of fun... oli n yun mei n yanni were super afraid of nick dog lah... while mic bay was playin wif the dogs like they belongd to her haha... all i can say is that she was a true blue pro at it haha.... n i could see they had a lot of fun... like how gladys n lora juz kept eating n eating n eating haha...

aft that at shi feng hse... we had another round of food haha... by den we were pretty full lol...the best part was that the parents didnt allow us to leave unless we finished e food lolz... den they llocked us in e hse!!! to go for dinner haha... but well ya.... shi feng did hav the key... we watched the movie notebook for a while b4 we left haha... without finishing the food lolz...

aft that me n nick went to hav dinner at cafe cartel at bpp.... haiz the lagsagne there was terribel... but well at least we got free flow of bread haha... on e way home... i witnessed a scene... got policemen n an ambulance... all i saw was a man halfnaked on the floor though... n bloodied... wonder wad happened to him... cant wait to experience this life myself once i graduate..hehe...

well that was all today... this chinese new yr passed really fast... n that marks almost the end of my longest hol... next up is good fri... that is i will onli enjoy if i do well for my a lvl result... my future deoends on it... i juz pray really hard for a miracle... well... thats all today... take care ppl n for the poly ppl... jia you!!! n nick... juz in case... a good farewell n soar high in china!!! u will nt b forgotten haha... byeee!!!

this comin week is the week i have been waitin for...not cos its chinese new yr... but cos its 3 days in camp onli... haha.... yup... well ytd went for cell... to tell u the truth i didnt really wana go at 1st... cos i gotta go out wif my dad in the nite... so like go also no point... but in the end mic bay told me to juz go for cell at least... so last min decided to go... yup... ytd i went to jp wif marv 1st becos i had to buy present for my sis bdae haha.... cant believe i actually spent so much on it... but guess being once in a yr... so ya wadever... btw marv if u r readin tis... i told her the pacifier was from u haha....

if u noticed... i put on a new song... its actually all or nothing... reason y?? erm actually cos i was listening to it during camp...so ya... suddenly liking it once again... haiz.... but somehow... aft ytd cell grp filled wif games n laughter... i suddenly felt somethin strange... it was felt the most during pnw... n it wasnt a good kinda feelin... it felt...well... hmmm mayb i shldnt hink bout it.. i shall see how tis week goes by b4 findin out if that is really somethin to worry bout... ya... goin camp again.... so ya to all u ppl not in ns... all e best... n God bless... even though we always face a fridAy.... always believe for a sunday yup/.... byeeee

haha these 2 were a few of wad i had... complimentary for evan haha
haha this is duck meat..... lolz... dunno y i take also
haha these 2 pics r my nephews lolz... can u guess wad r their names?? they r all called jonathan!!!!

haha ytd went to church den got the steamboat... in sermon it was bout lovin the unlovables haha.... i knew tis was a sermon for me cos it was in conjunction wif a guy in my squad who everyone dislikes.... well... i will b diff wen i see him tonite.... cos i noe tis is wad GOd wans...

haha at the steamboat.. i was the onli wan who did not eat... so i was like juz sian haha... but i guess i became the grp soup restorer.... the grp rice taker n food restorer haha... n drinks man haha but well i did grab some food hehe frm some of them haa.... little by little... hehe.... so i benefit in a way haha

anyway aft that i went to bedok... the cab fee was 20 plus lah... super ex.... but i really loved the food haha... compared to the food in the week... esp the choc cake haha n of course the many many little nephews n nieces.. brought back memories of me wen i was younger haha... n i really liked my 3 nephews all called jonathan... haha..i had a hard time chasing aft them cos i had to look aft them for their parents haha... anyway goin back i tonite... till next weel again haha.... grr... on the way to finally paSSIN ippt haha... well cya ppl!!! take care all!!

well... ytd i went for the ignite conference... n ya... it was a trip that was worth it... somehow i guess it was in line wif a book i was reading the day b4... bout the secret to true faith... n yup.. i guess i can say i really learnt a lot from it... at ignite conference we had to go super early lah... i also dunno y also... but well i definitely agree there was a lot of ppl... like 1000 plus i think haha... unfortunately my fren alvin was working so he sis not come.. but haha... i actually met a few ppl i never met in a long time.... 1 of them was my junior... hehe.... now he was finally wearing long pants.... guessing he is in sec 4 now haha... n i also met wif a few frenz from pj wan... i didnt noe they were alr christians but its good to noe lah haha...

in the nite... we were supposed to like write in a membership form for new generation haha... there was a section on the sch i was attending haha... so i was like erm how to write??? so i juz put down 2 sch... pj n home team academy lolz... aft a long wait we finally went down the escalator n ya everyone went their separate ways.. den a funny thing happened.. while walkin towards the mrt... there were 2 gals next to me... they were talkin very loud..so i heard their conversation... den 1 of them asked the other.. ehh... u abandoning yr brother ar?? except she pronounced abandoning as (a-bun-de-ning) den i dunno y juz out of habit i actually said aloud... its (a-ban-den-ning) not (a-bun-de-ning)...

all of a sudden i was thinkin like.. wait a min i don even noe them!!y did i juz correct them... den i looked at them awkwardly at them n they were like lookin at me wif funny looks... den i say..l erm sry... instinct.... den they both smiled at me n said... no worries its ok.. den the funny part... while saying that to me... n lookin at my direction... they walked right into the notice board rite in front of them!!! den i of them thot it was a person n said sorry to the notice board lolz... den they both super paiseh.. juz looked at each other.. giggled n juz ran all the way haha... i was like laughin to myself at wad had happened... wad a funny thing to end the day.... ltr on... the guys went to jurong east to makan b4 finally goin home... at my bck gate... i saw that the gate was out of order... so i had to walk 1 round around my hse... haha... wen i finally reached home... i was so tired i juz washed my face n fell on the bed haha... mayb cos at camp i slept early haha...

haiz... tonite bookin in again... well guess its 1 more week again... so i will juz blog till here today... kk till next time... cya ppl:)

well back again aft 1 slack week at camp i guess haha... well ytd.... i really gotta thank God that he really provided a way for me to get to church on time haha... i was released earlier... but somehow i juz feel that its not becos of a coincidence.... i believe He ans my prayer...

aft gettin to church...man i gotta say my police stuff was heavy haha... i went to church direct..so i had to carry everythin there to change haha.... but becos i was too lazy to carry my shoe... i wore my boots haha.... we were playin tis hide n seek game wen suddenly fiona dropped her hp accessory into the drain lolz... at 1st i juz helped to take out the drain cover... but den that evan got a corn on his foot... so he could not go in haha... so no choice i went in haha... the drain was really narrow that i could not go in fully... so i had to use my boot to slowly pull the keychain up usin the edge haha... man... wad i can say is that i really gotta spend a long time polishing my boot now liao haha... haiz... but well i guess its alrite since wad matters was that the keychain was not lost although it was really dirty lol...so it doesnt matter i got dirty lah... but i learnt my lesson nt to wear boots to church again haha...become dirty n kena stepped on by everyone haha...

lookin at it another way... perhaps i gotta b ready for this kinda things in my boots next time my trainin is over n gotta get down n dirty to help ppl lolz... so cant complain... well ytd i had tis talk wif mic bay n ya she told me some things bout my walk wif God lah.... n ya... i could really feel her passion... which i really hope i can grow wif my faith to such a level... haha... anyway... in the nite the guys went to hoagies to eat haha... den suddenly we were joined by gladys n mavis haha... they saw wad we were eatin den call us pigs lah lolz... well... its once in a lifetime good food mah... n i treated the guys to dessert lolz...

the funny one was evan... while he n mavis went to the toilet... marvin added salt to his drink n i told him to add pepper to the straw haha... wen he came back i told evan to propose a toast since i got my pay haha... he somemore so happy lah lol... den wen he drank it..his face changed n he spat the whole thing out haha... we were all like laughing at him lah... so ya... it was a fun thing haha... sorry ar evan.... we could not resist haha...

well guess thats all for now... next sat is ignite conference.. so really lookin forward to it... hopefully can see my frenz frm heart of God church as well haha.... well take care ppl... esp poly ppl havin exams haha... i juz pray i will b able to make it on sat on time wif God help lolz.... goin in tonite again..wif ippt again... haiz..aiya forget it haha..... byeee!!!!!

haha i m back again... if u r wonderin how the heck m i able to blog on a week day... well... its not cos i got a com in camp... but actually.... its cos I M SICK!!!!! well that is if u count sore eye as being sick that is haha.... let me see... i went into camp on last sun.... den on mon... hehe my whole company kena punished writing somethin... as to wad i cannot say lah haha... but well.. we were supposed to hav lessons in the afternoon... but we practically didnt do anything all e way to dinner haha... cool... talk bout slack haha... n it was round there i got the sore eye... although it wasnt so serious...

on tues morn wen i woke up... i rmb andy askin me... ehh how is yr eye... i got up take a look n realised i could barely open it... wen i did... i wshed i didnt haha... it was red... n really red man... i felt like i was lookin at a monster eye haha... i was totally shocked... so i went to do ld n went to see mo haha... he gave me 2 day mc... n i was like yippee... haha wen i went back on wed... my squad mates were like quite happy to see me back to suffer wif them... but today i went to see mo for my review... haha he gave me 2 days again!!! tgt wif my fren who i infected haha... i think... wen i told my squad mates they went totally ballistic haha... like wad the heck!! we spent 6 days here n u onli spend 1 day haha... it was a good laugh...

well that was practically wad happened in the week... n i m really hopin my eye heals or else ltr any mc den at the end they say i gotta re course i will die lah lolz.... well... goin back into camp tmr nite till sat haha.... haiz... now hopin i can get to church for service... but guess i gotta go str... lets juz hope i m released on time... or else i can onli go for cell haha.... well i wil leave it to GOd ba haha....

okok.... thats all for nw... till sat or sun again i guess haha... all e best ppl!! cya!!

a new beginning

back to blog... but i guess tis will b more of a reflection blog.... ytd... pastor shared bout a new beginning in 2008.... but more importantly a new beginning in oneself... more often than not... i often find myself pondering bout this qn... but i guess i never did noe wen to start....

in 2007... i guess it was a yr i was really thinkin bout many things that were happenein around me... it was a yr that i took to really find out juz wad was i doin wif my life... where i wanted to go on from there... to find myself basically... to tell u the truth while i may hav a little idea of that now... i still cant b sure of my future... which is y i guess i shld juz leave that to God to decide for me... ytd... mic bay talked bout father lord the father... basically bout some ppl who may not believe in God as a caring father due to their own experiences... although i never thought bout it b4... but i guess i may hav been influenced by this thinkin all those yrs back.... mayb even the reason i decided to renounce my faith all those yrs back... thankfully i m a christian again... n now i can say i dont regret tis choice...

1 thing i realised before goin for a fresh start was that my old self really showed me the extremes of human nature.... not many ppl noe tis but in fact i really did not like the old me... i guess after the incident all those yrs back i really lost my trust for the ppl around me... i felt i was wearing a facade... n to tell u the truth... i wore it till even i forgot who i really was deep inside..i always felt tis sense of condemnation for myself... but like the story i heard ytd.... if no one is there to condemn me.... then who m i to condemn myself??. becoming a christian again taught me to love again... to trust... n again believing wif faith beyond wad i can see.. in 2007... it was a yr i really felt i grew.... growing in many ways i didnt expect... experiencing things i experienced before... but dealing it in a way never b4... n i have onli God to thank for that...

which is the main reason i believe i m now moving to a new goal.... i do not want to go back to my old self again... always lookin back at mistakes i made...regrets i may have but not bein able to do anything about it... right now i juz wanna live for the present... not being a man of regret but something more... i guess being more for the ppl i care about... haha mayb thats y God put me in the 'mata' force rather than the army... perhaps to teach me along the way of moving beyond juz taking care of myself but the ppl beyond me.... away from the selfish character that i so often am... tis i feel is wad i hope to achieve in 2008... moving beyond the pain...the heartaches of 2007 n b4... n forging a new path that i can b used by God to accomplish wad i myself was never able to... i don noe how far i will go or how badly i will fall away from my comfort zone... but i noe that He will help me thru no matter wad...

so i guess this was the reflection.... guess juz wanted to let it go for the new yr ahead rather than keep it inside,... well back to camp tonite... n new challenges ahead.. i noe this may not sound like me to many of u.... but if u hav read tis far i juz thank you for yr patience n don wry.... i will post a lighter post next time i book out on sat..if i m not too tired to. haha.... well...to all...cya..n to the poly ppl.... all e best n God bless for yr projects or tests! n other ppl.... erm... to a new sch term???!

aft a long absence i m finally back... well 1st of i m glad to say i failed my ippt again haiz... but thank God.. they did not confine me haha... for my 2.4km run.... i was very very very very pissed wen i got my timing... aparently i had failed by 2 sec.. clockin 12.22mins... i could not believe it!!!! argh!!! haiz.... its the kind of feelin u get where so near yet so far u no wad i mean??

well its been a mth since i entered ns... n man can i say i hav eperienced... accomplished n felt pains i nvr endured b4...n i hav experienced both the up sides n down sides... haha wow i sound like i m writing a reflection... but i got 3 more months to go haha... the reason y?? cos today ended my prep course... aka the toughest part of my trainin haha.... wooohooo.... well tis week... i can tell u i experienced somethin so funny i cannot stop laughin haha... as to wad... hehe i wont say... except that its a classic hahaha... well.... i didnt say happy new yr to u guys... so here is a very belated one muahahaha..... HAPPY NEW YR....hmmm.... every week i go in i always feel so dejected frm the outside world.... my frenz.... family.... the tv.... n yes... church haha... well hopefully despite confinement.... i can still make it... think i m released in the aft... so if i got the strength den i will chiong haha...no strength den i wil try my best to go n stay awake haha...

o ya b4 i forget... mus giv a section on my new yr resolutions haha...
1) lose weight
2)get silver for ippt(gotta pass 1st haha)
3)become more matured in thinkin n spiritualy\ly
4) get good grades for a lvl( to get promoted n get to a local uni i hope)
5)good health n good posting aft pop
6) closer relationships wif frenz n reachin out to them
7) a lot more which i cant think of yet... but i will try to fulfil haha.. but of course good health for everyone

haha guess these r for now... hopefully i can reach these goals n indeed embrace the leap yr haha.... well take care ppl n all best to all!!! cya!