recently i was watching this movie... its called majestic... featuring non other than the yes man star Jim carrey haha.... well as to how the whole movie runs, i m not too sure... but the gist of it goes along the lines of this guy(carrey) being accused of being a communist and being brought on trial... but juz b4 that... he gets into an accident n ends up in a totally laidback town with amnesia(the sickness where someone loses all his memories??) yup

I guess during the movie.... it got me thinking bout many many many things... i guess i wonder... if supposing someone were to lose his memory... den be introduced into an environment where apparenty ppl think of him as being a totally good person... where b4 that... he waas somethin sort of like a jerk... or how abt a person who made many bad decisions b4 gettin amnesia... someone who feels that his life is like a total waste... how will he feel now? will he have a totally new personality>? even becoming a better person than he ever thought possible?? If someone was able to forget everything bout his past... the good times... the bad times... the regretful instances.... juz how will he be changed as a person??

Or for that matter a fact... supposing that someone is a christian... but due to the losing of memories... he forgets that... wat will happen? i guess there are many possibilities for such things... ..... Sure the person may end up being diff person... or in the movies... either becoming a hero or the villain... .... den i guess the next question really triggers my interest... supposing after some time being a different person.. mayb living a more meaningful life... freed from the chains of the past... and he suddenl rmbs who he was in the past....knowing juz wad kind of a man he is... in other words... wen our past catches up with us... which life will that person choose? who he was b4? or who he is after... which identity will he choose? which will inadvertly affect his entire life... friends... family... r/s.... Even who he believes in himself as a person...

haha... sometimes... i wonder... if i were to lose all my memories in the past... den mayb become an entirely different person... forgetting all the ppl in my past... my religion.. my character.... my personality... my regrets.... my accomplishments... my strengths.... my weaknesses... being an entirely new person... what will i do? if i were to remember my past once more... juz wad will i choose? to remember my past? and accept who i was b4 n turn back to the old me that the ppl around me rmb me as? or will i choose to forget who i was in the past.. n move on... staying as the person who i have now become? whether good or bad? n with wad i choose.. how will my life change again..........haha of course that is somethin that not every1 really wanna experience... but when such circumstances befall us... what will we choose? guess its a mystery that can nvr be answered.......................................................................................

haha back to post once more...... this week can be said to a week i m always looking forward to haha.... guess u can call it a week of freedom haha.... being the only one at home n all haha.... cos my mom n sis went overseas so woooohooooo..... feels good haha.....

its funny how ppl like freedom so much that sometimes, its worth fighting n dying for haha.... sometimes i wonder if human nature is all abt being free?? we are always looking for ways to free ourselves..... even the bible is about being set free..... like a bird in the sky or even a fish in the ocean.... i guess all i can say ts that its somethin ppl r willing to give up everything for... haha

haha welll another reason to rejoice in my blog today is that finally.... after so many failures n such... this morning.... i FINALLY PASSED MY IPPT haha.... i was like woah.... over the world... so of u might ask... y so happy? its juz some stupid physical test!!!! but haha... to me... it showed how hard work n hard training finally helped me pass all stations... including my dreaded SBJ haha... n i really really really gotta thank God for tis triumph..... for without his help... i wont even be close to passing haha.... welll thats all the crapping for today... n heres wishing Marvin a Happy Birthday!!!!! n Nick... although 2 days in adv haha.... Happy Birthday!!! well thats all folks... till nxt time haha....

haha came back from hong kong & finally got the time to blog once more lol.... well i guess for my hk trip, i gotta say it was pretty fun since it was the 1st time i went overseas without my family lol... & i experienced many things & of course saw many things as well... haha...

If there is 1 thing i miss bout hk... it gotta be the food & the cheap stuff haha.... i mean it... u can like eat food over there that is cheaper if not the same price as Singapore food, but the quality regardless of the price is always there haha.... so i can say i was very impressed... haha not to forget that wen i went to Macao, the casinos there were a real eye opener haha... casinos like the Venetian, or even Sands... there were like so many nice things to see haha..... well if any of u go to hk.. don forget to try the egg tarts there haha n the pork chop burger haha... i simply loved it beyond compare haha....

thinking back... its now november haha... n i m really really glad hah... cos i m almost at my 1 yr mark in NS haha... so ya... almost halfway thru it all man... hmm.. its gonna be a quiet 2 months now... haha... i juz hoped that i can spend my end of the year doing quality stuff haha.... kike planning my leave... cos gotta clear... not that i have many days to clear haha.... well seems that the A lvls is almost over... so haha... i m sure my frenz out there are pretty glad at this point... i noe i was last yr at this point haha... as for the results haha.... i guess i juz left it at that till the time came haha... but well.. wadzz past is past...so cant brood over it haha... ok guess thats all the things i can think of sayin now haha...cya

hiya... so wad can i say bout these past few weeks? tiring haha... on sat we signed the covanent... n well i really hopes this bonds the cell grp more than before haha.... but i guess i can really see the bond growing... for example.. we start hanging out beyond church timings... many a time proposed by shi feng... ms 4.0... n seriously the last person i will ever expect haha... on sun i can happily say that i conquered another milestone... haha... n i m glad that i did not run away at the last min which seriously i was planning to big time haha...

wad is the milestone??? well its taking part in the real run haha... n i was glad to say i completed the 15km run haha.... although the timing was not impressive.. a humbling 1 hr 46 mins... but i was really proud that i managed to run it finish haha.... o n to add to that... on Monday i went to play the arcade, actually the hunting game which the guys r well aquainted with haha... n i managed to get 1st n 3rd position in the wolf ranking... marvin if u r reading this... thks for introing the game haha... n nick... erm... better luck nxt time??? haha....

haha guess the topic i was wondering tis week was the fact of whether everythin that happens happens by the choices we make/?? or was it alr determined by God's will... i mean seriuosly sometimes i find sermons rather confusing... i mean supposing everything we leave it up to his way... that is wad we agree on in placing since we dont noe wad happens the nxt day.... n wen things go well we always take it for granted... but wen we make mistakes n bad unexpected things happen... i mean.. did it happen due to our choice?? as christians we question ourselves,... was that God's will for me?? for that bad thing to happen? or whether my choice altered His will n the way things turned out? n if it comes to a point that we think like this... can we say that we really leave things to God? or are we the ppl responsible for our destiny??

haha.... guess its somethin i don think i will find an ans to soon... but well i welcome any ideas on this haha.... well thats all for now... n hopefully i do ok for my ippt tmr haha...(fingers crossed)

after a long break here i am to blog again...... the reason i m blogging today is well haha... basically because i will be getting back my bariam test results tmr morning.... i dunno how will things turn out except that i noe that wadever happens, it happens for a reason.... on saturday, the sermon went somewhere along such lines... wad will you do wen things spin so wildly out of control that u lose track of wad u r doin.... wen u come to a situation wen u face a prob bigger than any you have faced before... seriously... i feel that the worries i have for tmr are unfounded.. i mean compared to so many ppl i noe out there that face harder things daily, wad m i to say that i am at a baricade in front of me?? haha my probs seems so small...

but s[eaking of it... i guess tis feel weeks in ns where u find u have nothing to do n u r rotting away... u cant help but think bout life seriously u noe haha.... 1 thing i learnt is how fragile we r as humans... fragile not juz physically but i feel more mentally.... ahaha... but den again somehow i feel that may be how we survived so long... mayb God build us to be fragile sentimental creatures... i mean that is the difference we have compared to all other creations n come to think of it... thats how we stand out isnt it?? haha think bout it?

haha mayb its time i changed how i blogged... i guess i m now movin away from writing a blog where i tell ppl what i go thru daily.. rather... a blog where i guess i can juz talk bout thoughs instead... hopefully i can add a philosophical touch to it haha... not that anyone reads it haha... sometimes i juz feel this blog is dead haha... mayb i ought to tell more ppl bout my blog haha... which leads to another question... y do ppl blog? is it an avenue to express one's thots? or rather a platform u hope ppl will see u in your inner state which u r not brave enough to show in reality?? n wen no one bothers to read what u r hoping they will read... wad den?? haha i wonder.....

aft a short time of 2 weeks... i can say that these 2 weeks are the most painful days of my lfe... n i do mean literally as well...for those that noe y.. plz do keep hush hush bout it... ytd i went for the barium check... even now i m still feeling the effects of it though... n although i wish i dun have to go thru it again... i guess i did make the most of it... i see for once the fragility of life haha... 1 day u can be competely well... the next.. u dun noe wad will happen... althiugh there are some funny experiences...like this nyp gal i met... who happens to be doing attachment at the hospital haha... finally i meet someone who really did go on to do radiotherapy altough i rarely heard of it haha..

well the results of my result wil be out on a mth... till den i can onli wait ba.... haiz... somehow now i feel like life is really boring u noe... like veryyday i m doin the same thing over n over n over again... on weekdays i go to work... i mwwt up wif frenz... saturdays i go to church... haoz... its like my whole life revolves around tis vicious cycle... that sometimes i juz wish i can get out of this.... but i guess my life is drawn into it...i wonder if a day will come wen i can juz put down all the things i have n juz do somethin different... juz getting away from all i have here.. not caring bout anything that is...

wadever happens... i will never noe... if my life is to be such that i m walking around in a circle... i juz pray that it will be a beautiful circle...if not.... i juz wanna break free..............................................question is if that is possible.....

hey.... i m back.... ytd national day n today its finally 1 of the more relaxing weekends i havb had for the weekends..... y? becos i m finally able to juz slack at home..... on fri i went to pick nick up from the airport.. it has been a long time since i have been to the airport.. n hearin wad nick had to say about his trip, i m kinda excited to even experience such a trip of my own.... either way... guess my trip to hong kong will be my 1st independent trip ever... n if all goes well.... hopefully i will leave at oct hehe..... hmmm... ytd we also went to pray for singapoer... but wad i felt really was very meaningful was pastor daniel saying that the church had to be united... i fully agreee wif him on that one haha... i mean i don get y some ppl like to distinguish wad kind of a christian m i?? whether anglican.... or wad... i mean does it really matter??? i juz don get tis ppl sometimes u noe... the way they fight among themselves bout whose church is god n which church are not...

haha but ytd i was shocked esp wen my cell grp went to mac t lot 1 n on the way out towards church i actually ran into aisyah.... haha she told me she was goin for a wedding so thats y she was wearing the traditional malay clothing..haha actually tis was the 1st time i saw her wearing that.. cos normally wen we hanged out she always dressed very.... erm like normal lor haha... dunno hw to put it... den in the nite i ran into 1 of my junior from pj... think she in j2 now... oh n my ex classmatee... reinstating once again juz how small the world really is u noe haha.... well enough of crapping for today... tmr if all goes well i will have a seoul garden meal for half price haha.... so lets see wad happens de.. cya ppl

wow... wad a week... i dunno bout u ppl but i guess i had a very eventful week.... n i guess the qn i find myself asking is wad have i learnt... ppl say life is about standing up n moving on.... sometimes i question juz how well can 1 simply move along... as though nothing ever happened... i for 1 have always found an alternative for such stuff.... as another week has passed.. so has 1 more chapter of my life... i have no idea wad is to come... neither do i bother to comprehend all that is and is to come... cos life is simply unpredictable i guess... n inspired by this fren of mine... i lately started this new way of expressing myself... but i will never tell anyone who ask what it is haha... so dun bother...

well tis week i think is gonna b the most times i go to church in a week.... but nope... on tues nite n wed nite... i went for this church event hosted by this prof... although the reason i went was cos my fren at work dragged me along... wad i can say is that it was fruitful in a way.... oh... i guess its also the 1st time i stepped into an anglican church as well.... so wad can i say.... i experienced things that i somel i did not experience elsewhere... i guess pastor dan. is right in sayin every church has its own way of experiencing n working for God... well thats it for tonite... n i guess till nxt time...

o btw... nick is comin back on the 8 of aug nxt fri... his flight is arriving at 745pm.... so... welcome back nick!!!!! n for those who wanna fetch him... can always ask me for details haha.... cya den...

relevation i seek to find

Bread Upon the Waters

Cast your upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.
Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to mthe north, in the place where it falls, there it lie.
Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you do not understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Sow your seed in the morning and let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.

Remember Your Creator While Young
Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.
However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the ways of darkness, for there will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.
Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let you heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.

Ecclesiastes 11: 1-10


this is the 1st time i actually quote a verse from the bible. the reason is simple really... the reason i put it down is because this was the 1 chpt that has been in my mind all these while.. guess for a few months... but a verse i did not really understand the meaning... but if its a verse God keeps tellin me... i can onli guess there is a secret meaning... and after all the events that has been happening these few weeks in my life especially yesterday morning... i can actually say that i have finally understood a little of wad God is telling me thru this verse... & its true... mayb He knew all along and was preparing for me all these time... sincerely i cannot say...

recently there are a few events that i regret deeply how i handled... i juz could not take it anymore and it juz came out on saturday morning.... I wasnt really ready or really up there wen i went to church... but the sermon yesterday really hit the spot at the question i had been asking myself all these while...the difference between building character & reputation... Finally i can safely say that the one thing i had been searching for since i became a christian has finally been revealed... for so many yrs i have lost it... that i actually forgot wad it was... i actually felt life was really not really there... i was not really living my life... i could not really commit myself to anything because i knew i was not entirely ready.... sometimes wen the world cannot accept who we really are.. we end up being wad the world wants us to be... & i lost sight of who i was on the inside..

After wad happened ytd... it was like suddenly all the truth abt me were all said to me.... n by tis person who God truly knew i will be afected by...

That person is right and i hope that my actions now will show that i can change.. that i can find my character once more... & not living like everything is out of my hands..i guess i hav tis urge to apologise to the ppl i hurt because i was lost in life.. although i guess its too late for some now... because i lost a part of me... it ended up in me missing out so many things in life...but wad is done is done.. n i guess i can onli hope that wen i do find out who i really am inside... i can finally find this peace within one self that so many have seeked... but few of us ever find..................................................

guess who???
me juz b4 ns

i guess some of u might b wondering y r those pics up haha.... well on sat we had to bring our famuily photo... n well @ chrch i juz nice saw some ppl who brought photos of them wen they were young haha... so i went home... n i dug up some pics haha... n yes... that baby at the top is me... think bout 10 mths old... den its followed by me wen i was 6 i think hhaha... well i couldnt really find a pic where i was alone recently... so that pic had to do.... i guess i can say it feels kinda strange lookin @ yourself haha n thinkin back... i was tis small???

well... besides that... i also made a decision on my course of study.... so starting from tis week for the next 10 mths... i will b a very busy man haha... cos i m currently taking a part time course... in mass comm.... ya... thats my decision... but not my choice in career... haha... i noe some ppl will say y not psychology.... but well... i m still taking a degree in psychology... i guess wad i m sayin is that... this is my back up plan in case i m not accepted into psychology....

aftetr seeing so many things happening... i can finally say i see the impt of a back up plan... cos u nvr noe hw things will end up u noe... ya... so that practically makes my mondays & weds tiring cos i study till 10pm.//.. but no pain no gain.,,.. i juz pray i wil have the strength to go thru tis.... ya... well thats for today... n a little update bout my life... hope u ppl enjoy the photos!!! cya:)

well... its been a long long time since i last updated... n l can say i experienced alot in these 2 weeks haha... but to get things started let me update u on the amazing race that my church organised....

i can say it was a gd experience for me... during the amazing race as it was the 1st time i was a grp leader in church haha... so for once i attended the leaders meeting on fri haha... yup... my grp had hsien tze, sasha, rachel(a newcomer haha), lora, oli, ziyi, yani, shi feng and yu ting... of course including me... at 1st i guess i was pretty nervous cos i didnt noe hw cooperative my grp will b but well... they were the most cooperative bunch i guess haha... we were told to bring 2 sets of clothes... so i was prepared to get down n dirty haha...

we went to like 4 diff places haha... n during the race we actually got lost... no not in finding the place... but upon reaching the destination, in finding the game marshall haha.... esp at imm haha.....grrr.... n it was both tough mentally n physically for me as well haha... for e.g.. how many of u noe that imm stands for international merchandise mall???? n i nearly died at rock climbing haha... while i felt good bout finishing it...(mic bay said it was the advanced wall... but i kinda doubt it haha) i came down wif sore fingers that was swollen the entire week lolz...

but i guess the worst of all was the game the slider..... where i was the base of the human ladder we formed... needless to say i came out 1 of the dirtiest aft the game haha... n there was so much mud on my body u would think i m naked from afar haha.... yup... that bad.. n the whle time the yi ppl were filming us... so we had to like act lah u noe lolz..... welll all in all while we didnt win the amazing race... we certainly didnt lose... so really gotta thank God that we came out fine... other than a little cuts n briuses here n there lolz.....

on the previous sunday i went to tis uncle hse in the nite lolz... while the food was good, wad i really did that amazed me was that i actually joined that uncle's son and daughter n niece for a karoake session haha..well i guess it was alrite since they were all round my age as well.. while i was hesitant at 1st... well... aft getting the mike shoved in yr face by the 3 of them... u would start singing as well haha.... n i actually sang chinese songs... haha.... while my mom complimented my voice... i kinda felt i wasnt a really gd singer haha... cos i can tgo too high if not i will zao xia haha....

last week i watches loads of movies haha.. actually onli 2... don mess wif the zohan n get smart... i will highly reccommend get smart over zohan cos 1... i felt it was funnier... evan n i kept laughing thruout the movie haha.... n 2... its more worthwhile as a comedy lol... hahah oh oh nt forgetting the sermon on sat haha... which had to do wif misusing God's name haha.... like i for 1 m gonna control my thots n words haha... cos wad i say will afect hw i m looked upon as a christian lolz... while some of the things i said b4 were said in ignorance... i believe now that i noe wad not to say... i oughta control my tongue as well hahaha...

well thats bout all so far... now kinda tired n wanna crash in juz a little earlier haha.... esp since my muscles r aching haha.... nope.... nt from the rock climbing but from the trip to the gym i went earlier on haha.... so ya... here is wishing all ppl wif examinations all the best n GOD BLESS...haha.... haiz... busy day tmr... hope i can write down everything on time tmr for the meeting since i will b takin minutes... grrr.... well cya ppl!!!

well back again,.... n i guess i got a happy ending thing to blog abt today... well last nite i went out wif my dad... it was all fun n cool n all... wadz more i actually ate a pretty good buffet haha... got sashimi.... crayfish... good prawns... o n my fav..... a tiramisu cheezecake!!! if mic bay ate it i think she might go crazy haha... but well wen we came home my mom stopped us n we all had a talk... or rather it was btw my sis n my mom... so i was like the middleman... soon.... tension was high n i was thinkin,.... wad the heck m i doin there... but den at the end.... i dun noe wad came over me... but i juz started talkin to my sis.... n like... i dunno.. for a long time now... i nvr did dare giv ppl advice... cos i felt really not gd enough to... cos i guess... havin probs of my own... who am i to do it??? but somehow i juz helped my sis... n while i hav no idea wad i said... it helped her n i actually got to experience recouncilation again.. n somehow i guess i learnt somethin else... sometimes we may make mistakes... n ppl lose their trust in us... n while we may change... we may get frustrated wen we find that ppl still don believe we hav changed...

but at the end of the day... its not others but ourselves that need to prove to others that we can b trusted again.... n in the end.. it does nt matter if the world does ntbelieve us? rather... as long as we hav a clear conscience,, we can b sure that GOd will always noe the truth... to tell u the truth... i actually felt good bout myself for once in a long long time... after finally being able to help again last nite... n i guess... thats more than enough for me.............................................






well i saw tis bell on the bus n i actually was kinda alarmed bout pressing the button haha... thks to the emergency use underneath... but well.. i guess it was kinda interesting to me hhaha.... enjoy:)

the desert i was talkin bout... at the beginning... n below... 10 mins later haha n alot to finish.. sian liao haha
haha jac kena BRAIN FREEZE!!! LOL...
finally we about to finish... n my stomach cant take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back... ytd... we celebrated fiona bdae... which shi feng planned haha... she was surprised so i guess it was a success... ya n well seein the probs she is facing... hope she will stay strong haha n wad we did hopefully helped cheer her up a little... at least..marvin wanted to talk to me bout some prob i faced... so bro... really appreciate it.. but i m ok alr.. haha ya... so thks for the concern dude!!!. aft that i went to meet my frenz haha..on the way i actually met my ex sch mate shi min haa.. she really changed alr... n i actually realised she lives quite near to me haha... wonder if we will meet again lolz.... but nth much haha xcept i saw my cousin aft a long time.so it was pretty wierd lol.....

today i went to this australia uni open house... n ya... i saw many uni... n 1 really caught my eye... murdoch uni... somehow tis kinda stood out from the rest... i wonder y... haha.... well i will see if this is wad He wants... since ya i got rejected from all the spore unis.... but either way... since i was wif jac.... haha in the aft we went to chill... b4 goin back to work tmr haha... ya we went to cineleisure played pool n we went to tis hk cafe i think n had ouur meal there...

den jac ordered tis desert haha... like a castle lol... we had a hard time eating it lah lolz... at the end... we both had brain freeze n were like totally full haha... but it was nice though lol... n when we finished it... we felt really happy haha.. dunno y?mayb we crazy le... till nw i still shivering lolz.. from the cold,.. so its back to work again... well cya ppl... for ppl wif exams all tjhe best... those wif hols.. good for ya...cya ppl!

i've tried my best... i've done all i could... but i guess to u... good will never b enough.... sometimes... sometimes i wonder... y?? y muz u put me down in all that i do... in all i wanna b? m i really so bad?? that i m not strong enough to handle wad is happening? to comprehend wad i have to face in the future? i noe that i m not that strong... n sometimes i wonder y shld i put in so much effort?? wen all my efforts r never enough for u... all i hope.. is that u will tell me that its enough... that u r proud of me?? i noe that i m not as intelligent as the rest... not as fast... mayb even naive to u.... but u noe wad... if thats who i m to u... all i can say is that i m sorry... sorry that i m not the person u wanted me to be... ok! SORRY...

well... tis is the 1st time in a long time u will c me blog on a tuesday haha... ya.. i m on leave tis week... so i will start work proper next tues also haha... well... i finally noe my posting... but i will b workin at thomson around that area... although its a good thing i got a direct bus there so its not that bad.... man i gotta say... its a big difference for me payin bus concession now compared to a long time ago... last time i was a student... i onli paid 27.50... now i gotta pay 61 bucks!!! n that is higher than poly ppl lah... lucky them grrrr...... but the gd thing is that i finally noe the feelin of havin my own office haha... workin directly under tis officer... basically i m somethin like a secretary haha...

on pop day... i can say it was the day we were all wAitin for... n thank God everythin went swell... except tis caogeng guy who fainted haha... he was the onli guy lah.. on thurs in the morn we went to de-kit... which means clearing out the stuff haha... n for my bunk... it became a fun session... since the whole floor of our room was wet... we basically played like there was no tmr... n i was tao pok by my frens lah... imagine 5 fat guys lyin on top of u...sandwichin u between the floor... but well... everyone got their just desert nonetheless..haha... in the nite i went to seoul garden wif my squad mates so ya... we celebrated...

on fri my squad had a bbq at east coast park haha... so it was great to have a gathering once more haha.....ya gonna miss those jokers haha...the funniest was i saw jason's(the acjc one) twin bro justin haha... damn funny... i was eating my food wen i saw jason walkin from the carpark... i found it strange that he wore a different shirt n i rmb him cookin also... den that guy waved at me... so i waved back wif my eyes following him... suddenly in my view there were 2 jasons!!!! i was like wad the!!! i thot i seein double den i rmb he had a bro haha... wow...wad an experience..., n since i wil b stuck wif him for this 2 yrs since he was sent to the same department as me!!!! mayb its GOd plan...

well...on last sat... where we celebrated mic bay bdae... at 1st say wanna do it on vesak day so that wont dirty the church... but we still dirtied it nonetheless haha... y?? well i simply suggested puttin her cake at her face cos haha it looked like a pie... next thing i noe.. suyin really did it haha...next thing i noe... well the bdae gal slammed cake at my face..fiona also lah..i also dunno y
? i so innocent lolz...i also had fun chasing li xin to the toilet to make him haha so ya.. well guess we had fun... cleaning up of course... i rmb wen i went home my face was like so oily haha..

well i wonder wad to do tis week... most likely juz relaxin n buyin stuff haha.... n savin my money haha... since now i no more free food lolz... well.. thats it for now...so cya soon....

ps.hope the uni will reply bout somethin soon...

i will rmb i always have a choice

after some time... i m back again... next week is my pop... which means that i will b posted out alr... as to wad will i b doin... guess wont b sayin... except its a 9 to 5 job workin for someone lor... and as the pop comes... its also time for me to keep a promise tat i had made...y???

the reason is becos i once told God that while i didnt really want the post i m at... but if it is his will that i will b doin it... i will do it... n keep the promise that i hav been running away from for these few months... mayb some of u will realise that i may b a little different this few months... well... its cos i dunno... i guess i m finally tired of wearing a facade wen facing ppl... this few months has been one of the toughest months of my life... it can b considered one of my most down moments... other than the bad results of my As... and as how mic bay had said on how uncertain my life was... i also learnt some things bout my past as well... how my mom actually told me some things that i didnt wanna noe... but i had to noe in order to prepare in the future...its really complicated and somehow i doubt i can do it? but still... it has to come i guess..

i really wanna take tis chance to thank the ppl who has been so patient wif me tis few months.. n actually accompanying me wen i needed a break... even though i noe they have a very busy life... ppl like marvin... jac... will... haha well u guys noe who u r...

as to the promise i made? well i gave him my word that if i really got this post.. it will mean that he wants me to forget bout everythin in the past... n have a new focus in life... that i will hav to let go of everythin and everyone that will prohibit a change... as the movie i watched ytd... second chance.. its time i leave it completely to him n take tis 2nd chance myself..not juz for him... but myself as well...

i myself feel that tis will b pretty hard.. but as the bible says... trust him n fear nothing but the God almighty right? haha.. soi'ss see how tis goes... well if u got to read tis post... mayb u r lucky... mayb not haha... i leave it up to u.. well cya all..

back to blog after an absence haha... well... i have finally reached a point where i m 2 weeks away from my pop... a term ns ppl r familiar with.... n i cant wait for the 7 of may haha... when i can finally leave hta... come to think of it i have come quite far... finally passed my law exam which is wad i will say a complete miracle... so praise god for that haha... as the sayin goes... everything that has a beginning has an end... about to leave this band of brothers n who noe wad awaits me?? with a future so uncertain as mic bay has been tellin me... i hav no idea wad lay ahead... all that i noe is that many of my past dreams lay broken n i guess i m a little lost or overwhelmed on where i m now...

guess 1 thing in life is letting go n moving on... at least i m not alone on tis... hopefully the next time i blog i wil have good news to share haha... but for now... i m juz watin,,, n hopin that drill does not kill me 1st... basically my life now is drill from morning to evening...so its pretty boring haha... but wad to do? i guess the poly ppl n jc ppl on the othetr hand r startin to step up in wad they r doin haha... whether new semester or mid yr exams haha... i feel for them lolz....

thats all this time.. i wanna watch tv now haha... a luxury i love haha.. so cya ppl...

well... ytd at church we were asked to think of what would my life be if i wasnt a christian... hmmm... while others had a lot of comments of me... i guess i couldnt help but think bout it myself... well for starters... i would probable dye my hair red haha.... ya... i always wanted to do that haha... dunno y hehe... n among others... guess mayb i will b spendin more time wif my frenz cos i will b free on sats... who noe??? i may become a clubbing freak as well haha... wonder if that is scary haha... but 1 thing i noe is that i will nvr turn to smoking hah... y??? cos i totally hate smoking... n i guess m a little allergic to it ahahaha.... but guess... if i wasnt a christian... i may never noe many of the close frenz i hav made today as a result....n who noes wad my life wif my mom would have been now?? i nvr wanna find out... well... i guess wad i can say is that life is pretty fast for me now... especially wif my preparations for uni...

but like wad mr koh say... i gotta prepare safety nets... n ya... guess i m also thinkin bout this uni in the us... called purdue... well.. i dunno if its God plans for me to leave the country... but i don wanna think bout it... i juz wanna leave everything to God to decide... juz do my best... ya... well guess thats it for now... gotta go do my last min checks for stuff... ya... n hopefully i can pass my test... damn scared bout it lah... haiz... chiong lah..

sometimes i juz wonder.... in life... how often do we get to choose n how often do we get chosen.... seems pretty complicated to me.... do i find myself drowning at times wen it des happen?
between wad i want n givin up wad i want the most... do i hav the power to act? in times of crisis... r u the person that u think u truly are?? if i were to b in danger.... do u save yourself or the one closest to u... in the end its all juz a qn of wad to do isnt it? turning to God??? turning to self? how does 1 truly determine if it is one that wil b regrettable or fruitful? m i truly growing? m i truly changing? or m i overwhelmed by it that i find myself lost in the turmoils of a lifetime..

haiz... sry... i juz needed to get those thoughts out of my head.... now bak to business... hmmm for e.g. i finally decided on a course... which is sociology... haha... yup its more of a social sci sub... many say its better to go overwseas for it... but truly i m not sure of wad kinda choice wil i make... guess still lookin about... sis wanping once asked me... do i think god wants me to go overseas... n i m still pondering over it... although i feel the ans is somewhat not wad i want to hear... but on the bright side... apart from findin out i did badly for my As... i also failed my ippt again.... grr... u noe wad... i FIRMLY PROCLAIM THAT I CANNOT JUMP FOR NUTS!!!! i accept it as a reality of life... grr.... but on the brighter side... i did well for the rest... swimming... psoc... haha n i finally got a marksman for my shootin haha... kena pressured by marvin n nic... grrr...

welll finally i bookin out on fridays haha so thats somethin to b glad bout haha.... welll thats it for now... tume to turn in haha... well nitez n cya ppl....

i didnt wanna believe it... neither did i hope that it would turn out like tis... but i guess that it had to happen eventually.... well... i screwed up my A lvls... which pretty much means uni is sorta like closed to me.... i kept askin God to giv me the strength to move on.... to understand y tis had to happen... was it a test or pure assurance that my decision 2 yrs back was a really bad one... wadever it is... gotta treat it as a lesson... well... today talked to lots of ppl bout wad can b my exit pt frm here.... but guess still haven decided yet.,... it feels like all is in a mess... like i m in this hase n movin forward... not havin the simplest idea of where is my life headed... i guess i m also too tired to think.... nw juz takin things 1 step at a time.... 1 thing i hold on to is this statement...
y do we fall??? so that we can pick ourself up again.... even though i m nt sure how to do it... i sure m goona try... i juz pray i wil hav the strength to stand n not run away..... these thots echoing in my head.... wen r they gonna stop?? i got no idea... guess till i finally fu=ind a solution...i guess tis sayin is thru den... i gotta change... its not who i m underneath... but wad i do that defines me... how true tis is.... n i guess tis is where my life will b headed.............outcome=unknown............................................